Unexpected
by SpaceShipZoom
Summary: Some familiar friends come to stay with Sherlock and John. But they're not the only unexpected thing in this adventure... Swift's gang are back with a vengeance and are looking for notorious (and heavily pregnant) conwoman Lilly Newman. It's up to Sherlock and John to save her, before it's too late.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there! Long time no see. Remember the story School Reunion that I wrote last year with my friends Keri (hottemperedpixie) and Rhiannon (tomatoesonstrings)? Well, we've set ourselves another story to write alternate versions of. This WILL NOT be serious, it's just a laugh. It takes place at some point pre-Reichenbach but post-Great Game. Enjoy!**

* * *

Dark clouds churned violently above the gloomy streets of London. It was a cold November night, and Sherlock Holmes was travelling in the back of a black cab. The streets hadn't been this quiet in a very long time. He studied the back of the taxi driver. She was female. Dyed red hair, grey at the roots. Woollen jumper, faded with time. Gold chain around her neck, most likely a locket containing pictures of her children. Two sons, both grown up now. There was a picture of them on the dashboard. Wedding ring, well cared for. Dull. Sherlock's phone buzzed with the familiar sound of a text message, interrupting the silence. He lazily opened it.

"Sherlock. Get home. Now. You won't believe this. JW"

The corner of Sherlock's mouth twitched upwards. Something was finally happening.

Ten minutes later the taxi drew to a halt outside number 221 Baker Street. Before Sherlock could even ascend the steps, John came hurtling through the door. Stammering and pointing inside, he managed to explain their predicament. Sort of.

"Sherlock…Went upstairs…Came down…Girls, Sherlock! In the flat! Sherlock…They're back!"

Sherlock raised his eyebrows at his flatmate and breezed past him into the hall. Leaping up the stairs to 221B, he threw open the door and looked around the flat. All seemed well… until a woman flung herself onto his back and started screaming "OHMYGOD SHERLOCK!" into his ear. Sherlock whipped around, his eyes wide. It was then that he noticed another woman lounging on the couch watching television, and another in the kitchen making tea. Simultaneously they turned to face him and said "Hey Sherlock" before going back to what they were doing. Sherlock looked at the three women, stunned, before he shouted-

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY FLAT?"

"Now now Sherlock, we've told you about keeping that temper in check haven't we!" The woman in the kitchen called, walking towards him with a mug of tea. She gestured for him to sit down next to the woman on the sofa. John stood in the doorway with the shortest woman, who was still grinning at Sherlock like an idiot. Sherlock sat on the sofa in a state of near shock. When the woman next to him changed the television onto Jeremy Kyle, he knew it was time to do something.

"Why are you in my house? I thought I'd seen the last of you three!" He growled. The woman next to him switched off the TV.

"What, aren't you happy to see us?" She said, smiling innocently.

"It's been over a year, aren't we allowed to come and see one of our oldest school friends? Literally, you're going grey." The tea-maker added.

"We've missed you!" Chirped the woman in the doorway. Sherlock looked at the women, then at John (who just shrugged). He sighed.

"Keri, Megan, Rhiannon… Leave. And shut the kitchen window after them John, seeing as that's obviously how they got in."

"Hey Sherlock, don't be mean, they can stay for a little while. It's my flat too, remember!" John said kindly, smiling at the girls and walking to the couch to join his flatmate.

"Brilliant! I'll just get our stuff." Grinned Keri, before leaping up from the sofa and swinging herself out of the kitchen window. Rhiannon shuffled from the door and took Keri's seat, continuously edging closer to Sherlock.

"So why are you really here?" He asked.

"What, haven't figured that out yet?" Megan teased.

"Well, you have no luggage so I can't go by that, however both of you are hiding your hands inside your sleeves, indicating cold hands so I'd say you've walked a long way. Judging by the state of you, you haven't been home for a long time to wash properly. You also entered through the window, could just be trying to show off, but unlikely. You might not have thought you'd get in, but you know that John is a pushover so he'd let you in anyway. Which means that you wanted to try and enter inconspicuously. I'd say you're on the run from that gang again, and Keri is retrieving your bags from inside our wheelie bin. However, Keri, why did you feel the need to climb back in through the window?" He said without looking, as Keri had knocked a mug onto the floor upon re-entry.

"Doors are too mainstream." She shrugged, pushing her dark hair behind her ear. She strode over to the couch where the inhabitants of 221B and their guests were seated, dropping three Sainsbury's carrier bags of clothes and toiletries on the table as she passed.

"How did I do?" Enquired Sherlock.

"Not bad," smiled Rhiannon, in awe as ever. "We've on the move for a few weeks. We left the flat in Cardiff around three months ago, after we heard through the grapevine that Swift's gang had been targeting a friend of ours. We were on our way to see her actually, but we thought we'd stop here and see your lovely faces first… and use the shower." Sherlock sighed.

"You know where it is." Rhiannon immediately raced up the stairs, as everyone else rolled their eyes.

A few hours later, after all the girls had showered and eaten a hot meal (Chinese takeaway, courtesy of John), they converged once again in the living room.

"So, what have you been up to since we last saw you then?" Megan asked. Sherlock began to make a snarky remark but John interrupted him.

"Oh, just the usual. A few cases here and there, but nothing too taxing for him." John tried to sound disinterested, but he had a smile playing at the edges of his lips. "What about you girls, still conning?"

"Nah, we packed that in months ago. We had to bail Rhiannon out one time too many, she kept feeling sorry for stealing people's stuff." Keri replied scathingly. "But yeah, we've just been living in a house in Norwich. Until we had to leave. Shame really, nice house that."

"So who's this friend you're meeting?"

"Oh, her name's Lilly. Used to be the best con-woman in the business, until she got into a spot of bother"

"Bother?"

"She's up the duff."

"Ah."

"Yeah. She kept it hidden for ages, didn't want to stop work. But when she got stuck half way through a window, she knew it was time to draw the line!" laughed Megan.

"Lilly Newman." Muttered Sherlock from an armchair.

"Yeah, Lilly- Wait, how do you know about Lilly?" asked Megan incredulously.

"Lilly and Tom Newman, notorious married conmen. Nicknamed the Ninjas, because of their ability to seemingly appear and disappear at will. Married for two years. Caused Greg a lot of trouble a year back. You'd be hard pressed to find someone at Scotland Yard who _hasn't _heard of the Newmans." The girls smiled.

"Yep, that's Lilly. We were at her and Tom's wedding. We were going to be bridesmaids, but Keri refused to wear the dress." Said Rhiannon pointedly.

"What, it was pink!" protested Keri, to a resounding sigh from the others. "Anyway, I bagsie the sofa for tonight."

"You are not staying over." Protested Sherlock.

"Yes we are."

"Get out."

"Sherlock, please, they're your friends," Sherlock made a pah! noise at 'friends' but John continued nonetheless. "Let them stay. Just for a night."

"As long as it is _only_ a night." Grumbled Sherlock.

"Great! Now off the sofa, I need my beauty sleep you know!" Keri grinned.

The next morning the girls re-gathered their few belongings (now clean and freshly ironed, courtesy of Mrs Hudson) and bid John and Sherlock goodbye.

"We promise we won't leave it as long to see you next time!" squeaked Rhiannon, throwing her arms around Sherlock's neck.

"Yeah, that shower is awesome!" chimed in Megan. After lots of hugging on Rhiannon's part and lots of complaining on Sherlock's, the girls departed in a taxi.

Sherlock sat on the sofa in the living room. Hopefully they wouldn't see the girls for a long time again. They were annoying, Sherlock thought. Annoying and loud, and messy, and _they moved my stuff without asking_. They were inconsiderate and bossy and from my past and I don't like things from my past and-

_Bzzzt bzzzzt._

"Hello?"

"HEY SHERLOCK"

"Rhiannon, I thought you were at Lilly and Tom's house."

"Yeah, we are."

"And…"

"There's a problem."

"They're not there, are they."

"Nope. The whole place has been torched. I think you'd better come over."

_Click._

Sherlock placed his phone back in his pocket. Then, rising from his seat, he grabbed his scarf from the back of a chair.

"John, get your coat. We have a case!"


	2. Chapter 2

Within ten minutes, John and Sherlock had joined the girls outside the charred skeleton of Lilly and Tom's house. A fire brigade was just finishing up extinguishing the smouldering remains. The group of adults leant against the front wall.

"Any sign of anyone inside?" John asked.

"Yeah, two bodies found upstairs. Not Lilly and Tom though, we could tell from the teeth. Probably two John Doe's they've stolen." Keri frowned.

"It's like they set fire to their house deliberately… but who would do that?" Rhiannon chirped.

"Lilly and Tom, obviously. The fire started in the kitchen, the oven specifically." Sherlock sighed, swinging over the wall and striding into the wreckage, much to the dismay of the fire- and policemen at the scene.

"Look, the wreckage is worst around this part," he indicated to the oven, "And it obviously spread through the house from here. I wouldn't be surprised if-" He kicked the blistered oven door open, revealing a small petrol can. He smiled. "Fire started deliberately, but in such a way that it isn't immediately obvious to idiots. I give them credit, they do know what they're doing."

"That's all well and good, but we're still no closer to knowing why they torched their house in the first place, let alone where they are now!" Megan responded.

"They torched it to get money, duh. That's why everyone torches things. I saw it on TV." Keri shrugged.

"Wrong."

All heads turned to face Sherlock.

"Excuse me?" Keri answered, hands on her hips. It was a well known fact that you don't try and argue with her.

"I said you're wrong."

"And in what way am I wrong?" said Keri through gritted teeth.

"From what you've said, they are master conmen. They wouldn't need more money. Seeing as Lilly is pregnant, torching their house is a bit too dangerous for the health of the baby. This must have been a last resort, there it no other legitimate reason they would go to such extreme lengths to hide themselves. I'd say Tom got on the wrong side of someone. Probably your old friend Swift." Sherlock finished. He looked at Keri and cocked his head to the side, daring her to disagree. Keri crossed her arms tightly and sat on the wall in a huff.

"So where are they now?" Rhiannon asked.

"Probably a long way from here."

At that moment a figure appeared at the end of the street. They were walking awkwardly, as if carrying a heavy load. They seemed vastly overweight, but as their face became clearer it was obvious who was advancing towards them…

"Lilly?" Rhiannon asked incredulously.

"Hey, guys. One question – what happened to my house?!" Lilly replied, pushing her brown hair behind her shoulder.

"What, you mean you didn't do this?"

"Pfft, no. Why would I want to torch my own house? I'm like a planet right now if you hadn't realised!"

Megan, Sherlock, Keri, John and Rhiannon all shared a look. A look that proved they were all thinking the same thing.

"Lilly… where's Tom?"

"You're asking me like I know the answer. To be honest I have no idea, he went out to work a job a few nights ago and never returned."

"I think you'd better come back with us." Megan walked to stand closer to her friend.

"Wait… you can't mean you're coming back to ours!" Sherlock asked incredulously.

"Of course that's what I mean. Problem?"

"You can't just bring people into our house, you've only just left!"

"Charming. And why not, you do it all the time! John doesn't mind, do you John?" Sherlock glared at his flatmate.

"Don't you even think about it."

"Sherlock, she's pregnant and homeless, we can't leave her out here!" John pleaded.

"No."  
"Just ignore him, I'll just go and get a taxi." John said softly, turning to face Lilly.

"Cheers!" Lilly smiled. Sherlock stood scowling.

Back at 221b, the girls had taken over the sofa. At least that was what Sherlock said when he complained to John about it. In reality, Lilly took up at least half of it and Keri sat in the corner with her leg elevated (her ankle gave way on the way back). Megan and Rhiannon stood around the room, knowing full well that if they sat in Sherlock's chair they would be thrown out before they could count to ten. Once everyone was comfortable, and Sherlock had finally decided to enter the room, scowling, they started to relate what had happened to Lilly. She seemed entirely unfazed by the whole affair. The whole group were shocked.

"Are you not worried at all?" Rhiannon asked empathetically.

"Nah. It's not the first house that's been torched, and Tom goes away all the time. He'll be back by Friday, just you wait and see."

"But Lil, you're going to have a baby any day now! Where are you going to live?"

"Erm, your place?"

"We don't have 'a place', we were just going to chill here for a bit."

"You are not-" Sherlock interjected.

"We are." Keri responded, sinking back into the sofa. Sherlock glared at her.

"Anyway," Megan continued, "You can't stay here. You need a room for the baby, and a cot, and clothes, and nappies, and…and…"

"You get the picture." Keri finished. The girls and John looked at eachother worriedly. Sherlock was disinterested and Lilly remained unfeasibly calm. Suddenly John sprang up.

"I'll be back in ten minutes."

Nine minutes later John returned.

"So Lilly is staying in Mrs Hudson's spare room, then." Sherlock said without looking at his flatmate.

"Yes, she has no use for it herself so Lilly- wait, how did you know?" Sherlock opened his mouth to explain. "You know what; I don't even want to know." John finished. He turned to look at Lilly, who was now sprawled across nearly the whole sofa, squashing Keri into the corner. "Mrs Hudson is a close friend of ours, so don't cause her any trouble. Please." John said. "She said she's sure she could gather some baby clothes from her the people at book club, too."

"Great!" Lilly grinned, clambering to her feet. "Although, Tom will have found me by Friday. I guarantee it."

The week passed slowly. The girls inhabited various rooms within the flats at 221 Baker Street. Sherlock spent increasing amounts of time in his room with no-one but his violin for company. John made regular trips to Scotland Yard to check everything was okay, seeing as Sherlock spent days sulking. Tuesday rolled smoothly into Wednesday, Wednesday crawled into Thursday. By the time Thursday staggered into Friday, everyone was on edge. The whole group sat in the living room of 221b, watching the clock tick slowly.

"I thought you said he'd be here by now." Sherlock mumbled.

"Well, I thought he would be." Lilly shrugged, spooning ice cream into her mouth. Sherlock rolled his eyes.

"Does he even know you're here?" John questioned.

"Yeah, I text him on Tuesday night."

The clock ticked on. 11:34 pm.

"So, if he doesn't turn up Lilly can stay for another week, yeah?" Keri broke the silence. Sherlock opened his mouth to respond.

"Sounds good to me!" Lilly grinned. She'd made Rhiannon go to the shops to buy her more ice cream.

11:42 pm.

Lilly's phone rang.  
"Oh, that'll be him!" She chirped. "I would go out of the room to talk, but, y'know…" She gestured to her protruding stomach.

"Oh you can't be serious."

"Yup, off you trot, Sherlock. And the rest of you."

Grumbling, the whole party bar Lilly vacated their seats and plodded into the hallway. John physically had to drag Sherlock. As soon as they were out, Megan and Keri pressed their ears to the door.

"What is she saying?" Rhiannon whispered loudly.

"A whole lotta nothing." Megan responded. Eventually they heard a "Yeah. Uh huh. Bye." and figured it was safe to return to the room.

"Was it Tom?" Keri asked instantly.

"Nope."

"Oh."

11:58 pm.

The doorbell rang. Every single person jumped up. John was selected to open the door seeing as he was the one that lived there. They heard the familiar click of the latch opening and John saying "Hi, you must be-"

The lights cut out.

"Rhiannon, you there dude?" Megan said, walking with her arms outstretched. Rhiannon responded with a whimper. Although no-one could see it in the black, Megan, Keri and Lilly all rolled their eyes. Almost simultaneously, everyone received a blow to the temple, knocking them out.

When they awoke, they weren't in 221b. They probably weren't even in London. But what they were, was completely and totally alone.


End file.
